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In Life, everything that money can settle is not a problem. For everything else, they're just facts that we need to face. , kim Tagboard archives April 2004 May 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 June 2010 affiliates charmain Benson Pauline Xiuli Candy Denise Five to Spare Xuemin Aining Joel Cheryln credits skin by: Jane |
Sunday, June 19, 2005 @ 11:00 p.m.
18th june 2005 eric's birthday... went down to clementi 4 bbq... mum brought some friut punch like brandy, n dunno wad else la... was not suppose to drink much, but as usual, wepoured it out, n helped ourselves to it... yum yum!!!!! taste jux like fruit punch~!!!!! den i dunno wad n dunno wad together, den drink.... yum yum... taste nice toO... den was totally acting like a kid, drinking wadever there is there, den finishing up a bottle of leftover dunno wad... thinking back, it was damn childish lo... den came the time when i had to stand up, n walk up to get the cake... sHIT... im a lil tipsy... n i need to use the toilet!!!!!! den tried to control myself, n walk up... hahahaa... looked into the mirror, n i look like i put on alot of make up, n blusher... den went down, aunt open the last bottle of red wine.... cousin n sis dun like the taste, so pass theirs to me... n i finished it up... blur blur le... den did stupid things... n when i say stupid, its really stupid... worst part, its all taken down on the video. this mrn, woke up wif a bad headache... still had to meet ppl go city link n suntec there... need to buy pants... damn... cant find wad i wan.... den felt really ill... den all went home le... im sorrie guys!!!! feeling feverish now... but i dun have a fever... feeling a heavy bag in my head... but cannot remove. im feeling like im dead inside, but i cant help it... im feeling sad. but i dunno wad to say, or do bout it... im letting it all go.. i dun see a point to hold onto smth thats not gonna give this chapter of my life a proper ending.. so here i am, giving myself an ending.... n so he left, left me to live my own life, while he tried to rmb the days i helped him, get him up, n entertained him when he cant slp... how dumb was i? to wait till 2.45 in the middle of the nite, so that my dad will be aslp, n call him to chat.... n all his and all his ans was " im tired le.... i need to slp... sorri huh... next time bah... bye.." so izzit me? is this wad ppl can fan jian? yeah, i agree wf that, n im considered a slut in this aspect. thats enuff rite? im starting to bring my life down to the toilet bowl, n at this point when someone is about to flush, u pulled me up from it.... gave me advices that r useful.... i noe at times im juz so sick to listen to wad u say, n totally ignore it... but when the day ends, i think back, all u said came true... yf once told me that he will get all 100 men to pull me up, n save me from the maze.... i lost my way as usual... but this time, im finding my way out faster den expected... faster den getting 100 men to pull me up.... u help me.. but how am i gonna help myself? really thanx alot of ppl 4 their many many listening ears, n advices.... i feel like such a big fat liar... i lie bout my mood, i lie bout myself... i told myself to be happy... im gonna be happy... i noe im gonna be happy... but its dragging, n its not starting soon... its getting to be so tough that im sick of being myself... its a tough job. i hold myself to be cheerful. never to disappoint my fren hu need me. i dunno la. but at least i tot there will be a smiling face whenever u need one, n im there! dun when i reach home, i cant remain the same anymore... will cryin help? i really duno... cos it enver came across me that i can cry at all... im brought up to be strong in my emotions... but how am i dunno release my sorrows, n temper? i expect alot from myself, but it seems that it never come true, n i can never make myself happy. i cant reach my expectation. i need a shoulder, everyone tells me that they wil lend me theirs... but i have never lean on 1 except that time camp, n i wanted to slp, n ben lend me his... other den that, whenever i cry, i had to hold myself together. y cant i be weaK!!! i luff i play, n joke, n do all kinda dumb things... but izzit really making me happier? definately noT! i conpare myself to alot of people. everyone have their own problems, n worries. but i juz wan a dae when i can really truely be myself again. the kim that behaves herself everywhere. the kim that everyone 1st noe on the 1st day of sch. that is the me. the kim that dun scream ard. im hate myself 4 that. i wan smth better 4 myself, n im gonna work 4 it. no one can get me wad i wan. im my own boss. n tough boss. a tough boss that still needs a volunteery shoulder. can someone walk up to me n tell me its time to cry? this is a long post... i still need to thanx alot of people. thanx krisite da jie 4 her ears... i really wan to give u a big big big big big hug 4 the things that u told me, the things u taught me, the advices u gave, n that decision u made me think about. i noe im dumb at times, but really thanx u 4 being so patient in trying to explain facts to me. loy... thanx to u too.... thanx 4 the ears.... when i juz wan to nag, n complain... u juz listen, n never said i was wrong.... thanx u so much!!!! ben ben..... thanx so much.... u were there when i needed u.... always there... im sorrie that recently i neglected u alot... but we r always the best of frens rite? i noe its a down time 4 u now... but i'll be always there okies? im sorrie 4 all the times when i was pissed off, n i kinda used u to vent my fustration... but u noe i dun mean it... im really sorrie bout it. im always here 4 u okies? thanx ben! u really made me luff when im down, n feeling like throwing smth out of the window. thanx 4 the many many advices u gave, trying to make me face the facts, n telling me that u r also there 4 me... im really glad that i made a fren like u.... thanx 4 all those offers u made. i noe i have alot of u there standing 4 me, n im happy that in my poly life, a made a great deal of frens, that made my life fufilling.... if 1 day i were to die, i die wif no regrets, cos i noe u! thank you 4 reading such a long post. its 11.45pm now, n its time 4 bed... tml is 8 am lesson, n uncle giap is giving me a lift. xie xie ni men.... wo yeah hen ai ni men de!!! ahahhaa... |