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In Life, everything that money can settle is not a problem. For everything else, they're just facts that we need to face.

, kim




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skin by: Jane
Wednesday, April 27, 2005 @ 1:45 p.m.

i take it baCk

ur name is not sorry, yet i said sorry to U... it might be better, if there was a respond... but well, i think too highly of myself... wtf, im taking it all back.

take it all back, so that i never apologise... i wasnt in the wrong, n i apologise, cos it made many ppl unhappy... so weLL.... no more sorries from me...is that pettiness u see?? yes it is... im petty so wad?

so wad if everything i do, i expect someone to say smth... be it gd or bad, i want, or i need a respond... but hey, i dun owe anyone at all... no more gd things from me...

right from the start of everything, i tried my best to satisfy everyone... n i do it wholeheartedly... i never wanted return, but all i wanted was a thanx. thats it, nth else... i dun need anyone to tell me that they love me 4 wad i did. i juz need a thanx. if its done badly, den tell me im wrong. i dun mind if u tell me im wrong wif reason. but dun tell me off when u r no better...

until now, i truly never regreted helping anyone out... but if my manner of speech mad anyone mad, i need to noe!! hyprocrisy i admint but hey!!!! hu izzint guilty of that?? sometimes helping others is not helping myself. i get banged 4 wad i do.... ALL THE TIME.. n i still do wad i think is right. so many things happen, n now im asking myself...is wad i do wrong or wad? y im a doing this to myself, juz to get stabbed???

if anyone feels hurt, y cant it be me? dun i have feelings? cant i be sad? when im deeply hurt, wad can i do? shut myself up, n cry at home? i cant!!!! im not someone hu brongs sch trouble home, n bring family trouble to sch, n show my unhappiness... yes, i tok bout it... but i dun make anyone unhappy over my problems...

when i have problems at home, i cry myslf, to slp, but i have to do it silently, so that my sis wont hear me, n no one will noe.... when i have trouble in sch, i cry when im bathing, n do it quietly, so that no one neos wads going on.... i write it all in the blog, not becos i wan anyone to read it n tell me sorrie, or wadever they have.... i need to vent my fustration eventually... my trouble bottle is filling up, n i dunno where else i can store them...yeah i noe very well that crying wont solve anything, but hell, im a ger, im not made of metal, i have my emotions, n tots.

i once told someone that im sad, n that person asked my y.. but i cant seems to open my mouth n say y... cos i noe its gonna hurt someone... ben noes the best... he never ask more, n always listen when i wants to say smth.... i truly thank him 4 all that he have done.. thats wad i call a true fren.

fine if im not a gd worker, if not not a smart student, if im not a gd daughter, if not not the best fren, if im not the best helper, if im not the best person to turn to... but pls lO... u r angry, sad, disappointed, or irritated wif me, ignoring is of no use at alL...

im of such feelings that no words can describe. i duNO whether to be sad, angry, disappointed, or wad.... such pain... it huRtS... someone's gonna tell me that its okies, everything will be alright, there is always sunshine after the rain. blah blah blah... but really... i dUnNo wad i can say or do...

are u venting ur fustration? cos i really cant see wad i did that is wrong.... pls enlighten me...

all i wan noe, is someone to read my mind, tell me everything is alright, bring me out from the misery, tell me wad to do, pat me on the back, tell me im not wrong anymore, n give me a hug...

say im wadever u wan.... i dun care anymore... maybe its the staying at home problem... im starting to think.. i dunno if its wif a clear mind, but im sure im not wrong...